Everybody is to play his role.

The problem is ,sometimes you notice the fact by mistake.

My granda was an old Japanese man.

I mean,he was strict and almost abused his son,my dad.

He got an OCD.

My grand parents used to tell him off for some of his weird action,they say.

like he blew his hands after he washed his hands etc..

The experience of being oppressed too much made him a complex.

When it's good,it motivates him.

but as he gets old and his mental strength becomes weak,it demotivates the people around him.

Acting a drama,they all see the vanity of his.

His employees,his clients,they all left.

Domestically,his personality became more hysteric.

That causes his wife,my mom to be more opinionated.

My dad thinks his wife to be a devil.

His wife thinks about divorce but since she's too used to luxury ,she can not do anything out of his shelter anymore.


My granda was totally a different person to his grand child,to me.

He gave me a lot.

but when I turned to be 10,he gave me just a calendar,not like huge amount of the toys and allowance.

I was supposed to act tantrum and he was supposed to tell me off to make me independent.

but I said,haha this is last years.

My cousins were stupid. They acted exactly as they were expected,and got oppressed.

10 years later,one of them got alcoholic and got a traffic accident. got a memory problem.

The other cousin got a baby and her husband escaped immediately.


My uncle and aunt on my mother's side didn't have a baby for some reason.

so they gave me a lot too.

I was supposed to call them to show my appreciation every Xmas and my birthday.

That was nothing but torturing to act as if I was excited about the presents.

One day,I changed the tone of voice for a change.I thought variety is spice of life,but

they thought I wasn't happy with their presents and send me more presents.


Now I don't keep in touch with them anymore.

I have acted my best to them for about 10 or 15 years,I'd rather be paid.

When I went to school,other kids looked like intelligently challenged.

but in PE class,I looked simply like a challenged person.Maybe I am actually challenged.

so I could be bullied by other kids.

then I invented an art to enhance my character by acting extreme.

I managed to confuse them,who I am.

I learn things fast beyond their understanding.

but I can't even play baseball,which is beyond their understanding.

and I act extreme.

I managed to break,or at least enhance the shell of my role.


The trick was useful until I went to University.

However,there was almost no PE class in Uni.

so my mayhem strategy didn't work.

I felt so awkward at there.

After graduation,only my extreme performance sticked out and nobody understood me anymore.

I was thrown away to the universe.

That's why I've been struggling to have my own money source but it hasn't gone well so far.

I don't care whoever you are,what your social role is.

but better do your best.

Even a child sometimes see through who you are.


I wrote it pretty personally.

I'm not meant to broadcast myself to everyone.

I only hope some people can share the feeling.

I hope it will help you to recognize your inner conflict.